Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
