More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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