This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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