Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
