This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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