i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
