I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
