Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
