'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
