Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And then he peed in my hair
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
