Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
