I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
