Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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