i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
