I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
