you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
