Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
