She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
