a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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