That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
