They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
