So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
