I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
