He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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