FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
