There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
