I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
