I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
