We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
