They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
