haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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