haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
