went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
