I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
