I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
