I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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