So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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