That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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