Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
