What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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