I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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