Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
