We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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