and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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