6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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