fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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