I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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