So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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