nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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