how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
