i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
