member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
