The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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