Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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