All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
