just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
